Wicked Wednesday

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My Hunger Haiku.....it's lunch time but lunch is no where in sight.

Ceaseless Efforts

It's been more than a month since I last posted an entry in Sembang; too long that I now do not know how to initiate my efforts. Lost in my own words, entrapped in my unleashed imaginations. I feel terrible, but time just didn't permit my penning down my thoughts.

The past month was extremely hectic. It was work...work...work and more work. It was as if other things in my life were paused, and only work was going on fast forward. On the average I must have clocked between 14 – 16 hours in the office daily. My weekends were not spared either. Saturdays felt like Mondays and Sunday was another work day. And if I wasn't physically working, the mind was constantly put to task. It was really crazy, and I am so not proud of it.

The home front was a mess. Laundry kept piling and ironing left untouched. My cleaning was done late in the night after I returned from work. Folks at home had to make do with their own meal arrangements and mine was mostly whatever I could grab on the go. I felt like an overworked machine in an old run down mill. And the situation I was in was not only tearing me apart, but also others in the house.

Busy in the front, but deep down there was so much loneliness. A couple of times, I tried to reach beyond the emptiness and asked myself what's my purpose in life. Am I going to let work rule my life? And simply let others dictate my happiness? Work till I am crippled? Yes, the money is good but the 24/7 work ethic adoption, working tirelessly is certainly not the kind of deal I was game for.

Thank God, there's little calm now. But it won't be long till the storm hits again. And personally speaking, I am tired fronting the strong winds and holding the fort.

The outlook for 2012 will somewhat be similar. The mode is to push towards achieving tremendous accomplishments. And the recipe to this is none other than rigorous schedules, long nights and giving incredible amounts of sheer energy, focus, and time. Everyone will be counting on each other's hard work and commitment to achieve that competitive advantage.

It's time for me to think hard now and question the nuggets of my wisdom. Seek solace and decide the journey to embark, I must.

Patience of a Saint

Haven't been writing in a while. There's a lot to say, but just too little time to do so. I feel I am running like one headless chicken. Work is crazier than before. And the client is the craziest I've ever had so far.

Have been subjected to lots of verbal abuse by the BigBadOldWolf, a name we gave to this client. It's not just me. No one is spared. My team members and even my Boss have had their fair share of these verbal attacks.

I hate confrontations. During meetings I try so hard controlling myself and my professionalism to not go off guard. Words like "stupid", "hopeless", "crap" and many others which I don't wish to elaborate have been barraged at us as if we have only been in the business just yesterday.

Seriously, I have worked with many people - politicians, corporate figures, government officials but none as crazy as this one. It's so depressing attending meetings and being bombed left, right, front and centre for blunders which are not caused by us. The dark side of me is sending provoke messages like - "screw being civil, let's bang on tables and shout profanities till we run out of them all."

But, I don't want to do that and most importantly, nothing will be solved when anger takes control. Plus, getting mad is tiring and I certainly don't want to make a fool out of myself.

Touch wood, I have managed to defuse these roiling emotions. But the question is, until when? Each time after my solats I ask guidance from Almighty to help me cripple these bad, bad vibes and show me light at the end of the tunnel.

Message in my head for BigBadOldWolf...grrr

Each day I constantly remind myself of these words by Sunil Mangwani - have patience of a saint and the discipline of a soldier.

Insha'Allah (إن شاء الله) God willing, I try.

Tiada Tiga Kata

When you notice a colleague's BB status with disturbing lines, you can't help but wonder about what was going on. Just before Raya, she had this as her status – HELL Raya. And then two days ago, she changed it to this – Too Much Hatred. Early yesterday, these two words appeared on her profile status – Nervous Breakdown.

I normally do not like to interfere with things like these. But as a close friend, I felt I should check on how she was doing. And I did.....and the story wasn't pleasant.

Dee (not her real name) was a colleague from my previous work place. When I left, she was the one who took over my responsibilities. Her diligence, strong and yet pleasant personality had help pushed her to the position where she is right now in the company. Obviously with the more money she brings home, she had more responsibilities to look into.

Dee's reply to my BBM last night didn't come in right away. I assumed she was okay and there was nothing very alarming with what I saw on her BB status. Again, I was wrong.

A call came in about an hour later and it was Dee on the other line. She was gasping for air and I could hardly hear her. Her usual happy voice was no longer distinct and all I heard was her in between sobs saying “It's over...”

I had suspected it was matters of the heart that is bugging her. Unfortunately, I guessed it right this time.

“Is it Raz?” I asked her. And she replied, “Yes.”

I questioned her, “He left?”

“Yes....he's gone. He left the house a while ago. And he took his stuff with him too.” said Dee.

“Perhaps he's off for work out station?" I probed further.

“No....he's really, really gone this time. He told me so.” said Dee in between sobs.

I paused for a while. Didn't know what to think and how to react. Dee wasn't the first of my friends whose marriage has succumbed to a no-go-grid-lock. Last December a school mate lost her husband for 25 years to a younger woman. Sigh....

There wasn't much I could offer Dee since it was already late. I promised her to meet up with her later today. It's so sad to see a once happy family falling apart.

What's becoming of us......double sigh......

Mungkinkah kerna kita dah terlalu selesa
Keintiman seolah semakin hambar
Dari gerak gaya
Hingga ke tutur kata
Tak menggambarkan cinta

Unsettled Heart

Someone told me last night that her heart was unsettled. I told her to let the feeling pass - accept the truth, bite the bitter facts. Not easy but why worry so much. It will only hurt her more.

She said it felt like there was a pit in her stomach. There was something that need to be said and some things shouldn't have been said. She shared that there is something yet to be done, a problem to solve, a situation to clean up.

Now, there is guilt and shame. And anger has set in....

Dear friend.....be strong. HE will watch over you. HE will not let the sun harm you by day, nor the moon by night. Have faith. HE will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

One More Week

It's the 22nd Ramadan today. It seemed like just yesterday I was preparing the family to gear up for fasting. Time flies like an arrow, for sure. More so when you have a mad, mad schedule like the one I presently have. There is hardly time to get cozy, relax and smell the roses these days....sigh. In fact there is hardly time to smell the good food during this Ramadan....another long sigh. I feel like a robot, serious!

In less than a week, it will be Hari Raya. I gave a tearful glance at my kitchen before I left for work this morning. Whooaaaa.....it sure needs cleaning and some touching ups. The windows could do a good scrub and some re-organizing would give it back its shine and glitter like those days when Bibik manned the home.

Sob...sob...sob.....

Wishes, Plans and Hopes

If wishes worked like magic
And plans walked the intent
If grants were immediately accorded
And hopes did not feather away

Heart would be fulfilled
Spirits would meander happily
Prayers would be answered
Life would be complete

Sebak dadaku
Retak hatiku
Luka jiwaku
Dihiris pilu

Beribu sesalanku.......

Letting Go.....

It's hard letting go
But I must
Change doesn't happen

Hope is hopeless
Hurt is unbearable
Misery grows deep
Loneliness wraps the soul

Purple arms
Pathetic scars
Heart without husk

This small heart can't take no more
This small mind can't forget no more
Accept I must
Move on I will....

Que Sera, Sera....
Whatever Will Be, Will Be....

She's gone....
Whatever Will Be, Will Be....

Add It On

Urgghhhhh.....this is so, so not good; work my bu** like crazy keeping up with my DEADlines. Guess they don't call it DEADline for nothing huh? It's already October and I thought things in the office would slow down by now. But nooooo.....looks like that is so not going to happen :(

I don't have a life no more.

Plus I overdid it at office aerobics two days back. And now my bu** really, really hurts. It hurts so much that I had to rest myself from my daily 3.5km walk this morning. Urgghhh....so, so not good.

Found this picture somewhere on the Internet. And I'd say this to her....
"Know pretty much how you're feeling, darling. I'm so with you in spirit. But you go girl! You tell everyone at work to just “add it to the pile!”

BO Trails

I must say I am struggling with patience. It was almost at the tip of the tongue to go tell this someone that as he moves around our work stations, he leaves his "trails" of such unpleasant BO. I know this is a very delicate matter of contention and must be addressed in the most artful manner.

My overly sensitive nostrils is able to detect his loathsome odor the very moment he steps into the office. Initially I thought it was just me. Later when the other girls hinted to me their discomfort, I knew it wasn't just my hallucination.

So now the bigggg question is how best to get the message across - loud and clear. Someone advised me to go get a deodorant, wrap it nicely and get someone else to pass it to him. Another suggested that I start spraying the work stations within reach of the smell with lemony air freshener whenever he emits his fetid stench.

Oh....what a chore and I so hate having to do so. Such a dilemma I'm in at this present moment....


Sent via Kay's Berry

Sembang HACKED!!

Dear All,

If you saw a funny posting on this blog with a rather fishy title, many apologies from me. Just a while ago there was an attempt to hack Sembang. Hence, I'm increasing all my blog guards. Please bear with me till things are back to normal.

~kay~

Such Arrogance

I'm not a morning person; most people know that. I'd perform my subuh prayers and then I'll go into slumber again. Not good I know, in fact it's one bad habit I really need to kick off. My staff knows that if I have my choice, I wouldn't schedule meetings or appointments anytime before 10am.

Anyway, not everything can go my way. Just my luck that in the next two weeks, I'd have to be an early bird. Reason? Simple - I have to do cross state driving, from home in Shah Alam to event place in Ampang. Distance never mind. But the crawl i DO mind.

I left the house at about 7.20 this morning. Head towards NKVE and was greeted by throngs of vehicles of different shapes and sizes. Amongst the very many single occupancy cars, there are also back hoes, tractors, lori bawak kereta, oil tankers and trailers ala-ala yang dalam citer BJ & the Bear. Kenapa lah mesti sama nak berebut jalan masa tu jugak? Can't you guys like start later, say around 10 or 11 ker?

How ah? No government department wants to make a kajian of this ke? Kaji...dan kaji...dan kaji lagi. Conclusion dia in the end...ummppp, is not shared publicly anyway, antara mereka dan gang-gang mereka je yang tahu. In the mean time, we have to continue being patient and brave ourselves through the horrendous KL crawl.

Anyway, this entry is not about the infamous KL crawl nor brawl should you become unlucky to bump into road bullies etc.

Okay, if it's not about traffic jam, what is it about then??

Patience, folks...it's about patience.

You see after a longggg day at work, and after braving such hideous snail speed traffic in KL TWICE today (once in the morning and then again on the way home), all I needed was some jerk honking violently at us in the car, when we waited in the almost chocked road, to fetch Farah from her tuition class. Not only we were honked, the driver even came out of his "me-don't-really-care-what-mata-or-class car" and shouted at us to move our car. Yar...yar just because you drive a fancy one, you now have the license to be a bully?? Ohhh melampau dah ni...grrr.

Mind you, this wasn't my first time seeing such rotten behaviour. And yang "berlagak" (as much as I hate to use this word, I can't help it, it's the most apt) ni selalu nya adalah orang of my own skin colour jugak. Affluent (of coz lar affluent kan, sebab dapat project millions, duit buat apa dulu??? Beli luxury cars duluuuu) , successful (of coz lar coz project pun project surat wahyu) , but perangai macam...beep, beep...

Hey...don't get me wrong. I'm not envious of them. It's their rezeki, good for them.

It saddens me but this is what's happening in this city - Shah Alam, where one would definitely stumble upon the breed of these "new Malays" at almost every corner in the street - posh cars, money to splash (so it seems lah) and totally disastrous fashion sense. Such annoying arrogance!!

I recall many, many years back when we first set foot in Shah Alam, the city was quiet and all so peaceful. Drivers behaved in orderly manner, flora and fauna untouched and there was peace and harmony at heart, everytime you come home from a day's hard life in the office.

Regretfully, the present is the opposite; rasa macam sesak nafas je, nak-nak when encountering people yang don't know how to uphold good moral and values nih...grrr.

Is this the price we pay for development? And our people have become such heartless souls? I don't want to provide answers to these questions, coz I already knew what they are :(

Say What???

If it hadn’t been the workspace being such an open office, I would have slammed down the phone with all my might. Trying to look cool and demure as blood gushed to my face was something I could no longer do. I wanted to scream at some one. And I wanted so badly to shake the person on the other line too. I wanted to be expressive and demonstrative, but the “good me” stopped myself from doing so.

No scream, no hair pulling, nothing. Disappointed? Yes, that too. But there was no point making a fool out of myself. In this case, it was just not worth it.

So now what exactly happened? And why did earth shake? And why was I so bl*r*y annoyed?

Bureaucratic, none other then the bureaucratic crap with a capital B (yes, allow yourself to be creative and descriptive when figuring out the most appropriate “B” word).

I assume that’s just how the culture is at some work place. YOU work for us, WE are the boss (and make things difficult). Just my bad karma that my team is stucked with such stiff characters – the typical by the book, “no way Jose I’m gonna accommodate you” mentality.

Yesterday was such a frustrating day for my team and I. We spent the entire day tracking PIC - persons-in-charge (well we thought they were coz their names were clearly printed in the memo). And after being given the wild goose chase, we were told that, “Oh…A is not the person you should be talking to. It’s actually D, but D is away and F is the one helping out but F is also away attending training!! And there’s nothing that can be done till mid next week.”

Tell me now how not to blow your top. From 8 in the morning till office hours ended, our effort went futile - such a waste of time.

I was so tempted to write one long lengthy email to voice my concerns, but ruffling feathers may have other consequences later. Anyway write email I did, but when comparing my first draft to the actual one (less fiery, less exclamation marks) I sent out, I wonder if the persons concerned got my message. What puzzles me is that how come these PICs have failed to remember that their main responsibility is to serve the people.

So much for “rakyat didahulukan, pencapaian diutamakan” huh?

Hot...Hot...Hot

What happened today was unexplainable, but I shall try gather my words somehow. Indeed, it was another hot day today. Arrived at the office and it felt like walking into the sauna. I rushed like mad only to be greeted by the heat!! Haiissshhhh…tak sampai workstation dah hangat?? How to last till 6.00pm nih??

Anyway, heat or no heat, life goes on, my earlier scheduled meeting still took place. Thank God Mr Chairman decided to K.I.S.S this morning. If not lagi ramai lah yang hangat, both inside and outside. I survived the meeting, but head was already feeling light. Macam stoned je….panas weh…panas!! When I checked with my budak-budak, they told me, “Air cond lambat start today, Puan coz something wrong with the pipe.”

What the beep…beep lah?? A couple of weeks back, the basement parking was all wet and we wondered why. Desas desus liar mengatakan, pipe bocor. Oh…okay lah…what ever… Dept A said that Dept B was responsible. Dept B said it was A’s wrong doing. Macam little kids je finger pointing at each other.

And today it was the air cond. The maintenance team had better be on their double if they didn’t want to be listening to angry one-liners coming from wargakerja of the top five floors. Cheh…they all ni macam tau-tau je nak dera siapa coz on my floor – 14 and 15, are where the bosses are seated. I told one of the secretaries that if next time they wanna do concept santai tepi pantai kat office ni bagi tau awal-awal, boleh I mai office free hair je. Pakai seluar pendek and baby tee je…Hissshhh…kalau tak get my drift jugak, tak tau lah kan. Tetiba je Mak Aji ni mai dgn baju singlet!! Ohhh…tak ke haru?? Harus after that, email-email yang hot…hot…hot akan berterbangan!

Anyway, the air cond was up by 11.00am. I told my boss I’d give it till noon and if there was still no cool drift blowing in, that’s it, I’m heading home to continue working in a more pleasant atmosphere. Nasib baik jugak tak balik….coz for sure work entah ke mana, silap-silap lena :D

All the excitement must have caused havoc to my system. All of a sudden I craved for sugar and those chocolate chip cookies were so much in my mind. Tiba-tiba je rasa nak do some baking, nak bake cookies. Just before I walked into the elevator, I called Farah to go get ingredients for my baking.

I got home late, like always, but the burning desire to bake was still flaming. Both Farah and I teamed up and started work on my sugar fancy right away.


And here’s the result after sweating it out in the kitchen just now. I had almonds, choc chips, M&Ms and the arabian tema all mixed together. Orang kata it’s not good to snack before going to bed. But heck lah them calories…. I’ll shed it out during my morning walk tomorrow.

Pure Carelessness

Ohhhh…it was purely my carelessness. If only I hadn’t left it laying on the bed. If only I had placed it back into its case. If only I hadn’t rushed to have my bath this evening. If only….if only…if only….but it’s too late now.

I feel so down in the dumps. How could I not be?? My jade bangle….I innocently dropped it and it is now broken. I was white in the face when it went fell flat on the floor and broke. I could have kicked myself for not being focused. My mind was far, far away. Issues in the office, my upcoming trip and my preparations…ahhh all these have been creating so much distractions to my otherwise calm evening.

The light green stone was a purchase during my RT trip to Chaingmai two years ago. Obviously, it has quite a sentimental value attached to it. Nissa says it’s bad luck when one’s jade is broken. Ohhh….I really hope, it’s just a superstition and I’ll be spared any ill fates and ruinous mishaps. I’m non believer on superstition, for I believe it is in Allah we should place out fate. He gives and he takes. So who are we to deny something that was destined to happen.

Perhaps I should take it to the jeweller and see if it could be fixed. From Google, I read that broken jades could be cured using special cement. Ooohhh…..I really hope this could be done. Otherwise, I’ll have to go look for a replacement….and I hate so much doing this.

I feel rotten already just thinking about it. Can someone help me? What should I do????

KL oh KL...

It took me 2 1/2 hours to get home this evening. Yes, a good two hours and thirty minutes from KLCC to Shah Alam. Distance was approximately 50km. And that was some test of one's patience on the road, more so during this holy fasting month.

I felt like screaming but what difference would that make. My throat would only hurt more and it wasn't like orang lain would dengar and sympathize with my aching plus fed up heart.

So what could be the cause of the chaos? My guesses are the following.

1. TGIF
2. Everyone's rushing to berbuka at home
3. Drivers (more like jerks) who try and cut lanes
4. No policemen on duty
5. Kaypo chis who MUST stop to look at an accident
6. Rain and more rain

This bus ikut sesuka hati je cilok...

The list could get longer and there is no doubt about that.

The famous Alleycats Senyumlah Kuala Lumpur song goes like this.

Kuala Lumpur senyuman mu

Di pagi ini

Sungguh bererti

Kerna cinta bersemi lagi

Setelah kemarau panjang

My version however sounds like this.

Kuala Lumpur tangisan ku

Di petang ini

Sungguh lah sedih hati

Kerna sakit kaki

Setelah berbaris panjang

Outstation Again

I'm off to Kuching today and will be here till Saturday. My stomach still hurts from my trying to be polite with Mom's offer on durian eating last Sunday. I knew the fruit will give me a hard time...just as the last time I had it.

You see durians and I don't click well. I remember one time when I was in my early stage of pregnancy, even the smell of the fruit gave me the creeps. I went straight to the toilet when the fruit's arousing smell choked my nostrils.

Now, even after 4 days of just "se-cuit" of the fruit, my stomach still doesn't agree with it. I'm hoping it doesn't get any worse. In the meantime, I just have to be extra carefull with what I take in and continue with the medication my doctor prescribed me.

Dolian....oh...doliannnnn!!!

Sugar & Caffeine Stress Buster

I wonder what would the damage be to my waist line after this. The mounting stress has led me to having some mocha nut chocolate chip cookies and overflowing of caffeine supplies.

(Extended) Club Members

After the stretch of hectic days in the office, I was really looking forward to the weekend. There were no special plans made. I just wanted to relax and perhaps catch up with my sleep. Ohh..my much needed beauty sleep. Iyer lah kan bila dah 40 something and counting ni, some extra work needs to be done in the "beauty" department..heh..heh.

I guess I am one of those blessed people who has a super doper bibik who practically runs the home front for me. And because of that, I have no worries of dirty laundry, breakfast or who's going to scrub the kids school shoes. I could count on bibik to kawtim everything. Jadik nyer bila dah no worries...apalagi, after Subuh, I continued my dozing off till almost 10am. Tu dia...qada tidor lah kata kan!! The rest of the day was spent lazing around in the house. Had lunch, did some reading and dozed off again till Asar (told you..I am such a sleepy head on weekends).

Isshhh...ni tak boleh jadi ni. Dok nak terlelap je. Since it was such a bright day outside, I figured it would be good to head to the club and do some laps in the pool. There were already lots of people in the pool when I got there. The situation was different from my usual swim on weekdays. The pool was practically mine. Tak pe lah I said to myself. I must not be selfish. These other folks are also members of the club. They too have rights to use the club facilities just like me.

The view of the pool (after it was closed this afternoon)

I did my usual 20 laps of breast stroke followed by a few extra laps of free style. It was kinda difficult to keep focused coz there were others swimming criss crossing in the pool. There was even one guy, complete in his track suit and t-shirt walking around in the pool. Hey, whatever happened to proper dresscode in the pool?? I noticed not many people observe this anymore. Selamba je pakai apa-apa suka in the pool. Hai..hati dah hangat skit dah ni!!

The sauna - behind the wooden door

The shower room - just across tha sauna

Once I was done with my swim, I headed to the sauna. Spent a good 30 minutes in there. However, towards the end of sauna time, came in this little girl with the maid. I seriously thought that they wanted to sweat it out in the hot room. To my surprise, the maid then started putting on the girl's clothes. Hah?? After shower, pakai baju dalam sauna?? Ni mana pulak punyer ajaran sesat nih?? Dalam hati I was as hangat as the sauna dah.

The girl was really a pain. She kept on walking in out of the sauna. I gave her one irritated look and luckily she got the hint. She then left the sauna. Fuhhh...good riddance. Five minutes later came in another girl and the same maid. Again the same ritual was repeated. Lepas shower, pakai baju in the shower too. Waduh, waduh....gue udah ngak bole tahan ini. I just had to ask these weird people lah. What on earth do they think they are doing? And they were irritating me like crazy. The maid didn't answer me when I asked her why she must come into the sauna to put on the children's clothes. Then I heard some commotion from the shower room outside. It was the maid's employer asking her why the girls did not have their clothes in the sauna. I heard the maid said, "Ada orang di dalam." Yes, memang ada orang di dalam and dah nak terbakar dah ni with all your gelagat.

When my 30 minutes was up, I emerged from the sauna. Next would be to hit the shower. When I was about to step into the shower, there was again another commotion. The employer, the maid and the grandmother. Hah? What? There are more of them? Wei...apa ni? Gi club siap bawak the entire clan!! If my memory serves me well, the club offers membership to only individuals. We are allowed to bring children aged below 12 to use the pool. Bila pulak lah extended to maids, grandmothers and what-have-yous?? Now, I am really sakit hati already. I must remember to have a quick talk with the club personnels on this matter later on.

I thought everything was all over with the family. Tak....ada lagi!! After I finished taking my shower, the maid was about the bathe in the next shower to mine. And you know what happened? The moment the maid stepped into the shower, one of the girls whom she was taking care pushed the shower door and insisted to watch the maid bathe!!!! My eyes almost popped out. There was the maid clad in her towel and this 8 or 9 year old girl was at the door wanting to see the maid wash herself!!! The maid pleeded continuously for the girl to close the door so that she could continue what she was doing privately. But the girl didn't want to budge. Gosh...rasa macam nak lepuk je the girl. Not wanting to be in the scene any longer, I walked away disgustedly.

So much for wanting to have a good work out in rest and relaxed environment huh? I ended up more stressed in the end. What a turn it had been from how I started my day. No thanks to some club members - extended members that is.

Turmoil Aftermath

I am writing this in entry from Paka, Terengganu. A small town which is situated half way between Kuantan and Kuala Terengganu. Located by the sea and a slow 10 minutes drive gets you to the Petronas Oil Refinery and Gas Processing Plant stand like mortal structures.

On my way to the resort last night, the Refinery plants were brightly lighted. It was such a beautiful sight, seeing the massive complex stand majestically to one's eyesight. This was the first time I am seeing such a sight. Impressive, very impressive.

As I stared at the burning gas at the tip of the tower silo, a sudden chill came to me. The flames reminded of what my feelings had been over the past few days. The incident which took place between "a certain person" and me over the weekend was still bothering me. There were "flames" every where. Hurt and deception overpowered any attempts of logical thinking to take place. In a way I am glad to have this time away to cool off so to speak. Deep in my heart I tell myself I want "things" to work out BADLY. But I am too cluttered right now to figure out how best to resolve things.

Being composed is something I really need to be and strong willed is a booster I need to have to survive this next few days.

I know it's a dugaan from the All Mighty. Thus it's in Him I put my faith and my trust for only he who knows what would be best.....

Current state of mind: confused, SAD, furious and HEART BROKEN :-(