Saturday, March 27, 2010


Five minutes before the designated time for lights-off, everyone was ready with candles. As always us girls were more excited than the guys at home. Nissa was authoritative enough to stick by her strict orders that we MUST observe Earth Hour tonight. Even the cats she said must observe and show respect to Mother Earth.

My challenge....the blue waters vs Me

Getting ready.......

I was out the whole day today running errands and managing the girls Saturday activities. We left the house at 11am. By then, the heat was blistering hot. And there was no better way to cool off than taking a dip in the pool at the club. So while the girls were busy painting away at Art Class, Mommy was making good progress with her laps; doing as many as she could during the entire hour she was in the water.

We didn't get home till almost Maghrib. Then there was the rush to prepare dinner. Spaghetti would be the simplest, considering I only have less than an hour to complete everything, from cooking to getting everyone eating dinner and finally cleaning the kitchen (done by the maid lah, of course).

"Collect your candles please", she said.

The entire hour with just candles dimly lighting up the house felt so, so long. Halfway into the hour, we had no choice but to turn on the AC and fans. Kids said it was like a sauna and the mosquitoes were irritating us all. Next was the TV coz one of them wanted to watch a documentary on NatGeo. Guess we just can't live without these essentials.

Cat - Manis wanted to be part of Earth Hour too

Any how does everyone feel after the hour of lights-off?

Cool...we should do this more frequent, maybe like once a month - only the lights however, AC and fans work like normal. And kids if we do this, do you think we'd probably hear less of Daddy's complaints of high utility bills? *big grin*

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Lady GaGa vs Lady Boss

Deep in my thoughts on my approach for a proposal to a potential client, a buzz came via YM. Plucked in my ears are earphones that stream light music to help ooze the much needed brain juice. The buzz sound was so loud that I almost fell of my chair. Haa...siapa suruh dengar lagu kuat-kuat lagi kan.

Anyway, the person buzzing me was a friend who works across town. Again, the wonders of technology. As we work, we are also reachable by our loved (and not so loved) ones. No lip movement, just rampant knocking on the keyboard. Talk about dunia dah berubah kan?

Our YM conversation went like this.

TB : Buzz

Kay_Noor : Yezzaa...what's up??

TB :!!

Kay_Noor : La pe sal?

TB : Paparazzi....

Kay_Noor : Huh?? Ko kena kejar ker?

TB : Kejar?? Tak ahhh....

Kay_Noor : Then, what? Tak faham..nak beli camera baru ker plak?

TB : Tak lahhhhh.....Ni si Ashi**n kat sebelah aku ni dok lah berbunyi sorang-sorang "pape..pape..pape...razzziiiii...." Wish I can make her stop!! Already giving me a headache.

Kay_Noor : Laaaa......heh..heh...heh....kelakar lah pulak ni

TB : Iyer...she's been singing that song since morning. It's been hours!! I am going nuts with her irritating tune.

Kay_Noor : What u want me to do?

TB : You boss can ask her to stop. I give you her YM ID.

Kay_Noor : Ade pulak nak buat cam tu. Silap-silap I'd be the one yang kena pulak.

TB : Alah ...pls lah...ko kan kawan aku. Pls lah... I am going insane here. You wouldn't want to visit me at the crazy people ward kan....

Kay_Noor : Laaa...kesitu pulak dah. No emo(tional) blackmails pls. Aku tak lut...

TB : Tolong lah....tolong lah.... really cannot tahan the sound...argghhhhh!!!

Kay_Noor : Isshhhh...budak ni. See how lah, but no promises.

TB : I love you, babe.... Her YM is Jazzy_Gurl. Pls yar....

Kay_Noor : She's in my list, I have her ID. No promises tau. Now shoo...I wanna continue with my work daa..

TB : Ok..ok...byes :)

An hour later....

Kay_Noor : Salams...

Kay_Noor : Buzz

Jazzy_Gurl : Yes...

Kay_Noor : Babe...kak TB sedih tau....

Jazzy_Gurl : Why?

Kay_Noor : Err...kalu cakap dun be mad okay.

Jazzy_Gurl : Why?

Kay_Noor : Coz' you dah tak you. You nak jadi Lady GaGa. TB likes you just the way you are.

Jazzy_Gurl : Ohhh....saya tadi nyanyi lagu Paparazzi. She tak suka ker?

Kay_Noor : go ask her lah. But kesian kat dia, she cannot do work lah.

Jazzy_Gurl : Heh..heh...I baru download that song. Tu yang dok nyanyi sakan today :)

Kay_Noor : Nyanyi dalam hati sudah lah yea....

Jazzy_Gurl : Baik lah Lady Boss....

Kay_Noor : Thanks :) (dalam hati dok kata pada diri sendiri...haaa padan muka coz sibuk hal orang lagi...)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Prayer in Distress

My previous post taught me one very important thing - sharing. Kak Teh suggested that I read ayats from Surah At-Talaq to help calm my unsettled heart. I know the verse, have recited it before, but did not make it a daily routine.

Thanks to technology, I found the verse in You Tube. MashaAllah....and this link is for all to share.

65:2 And for those who fear God, He (ever) prepares a way out, 65:3 And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in God, sufficient is (God) for him. For God will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has God appointed a due proportion.

Quran-Surah At-Talaq: 2-3 (popularly known as 1000 dinar verse)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Post Trauma Effects

Whilst doing research on the Internet earlier today, I stumbled upon an article which pretty much describes my situation at this present time.

"To become traumatised, all that needs to happen is to endure an event during which we feel powerless, whilst simultaneously having a threat to our survival. Often, during these events, we also feel isolated and we do not have the physical and/or emotional resources to deal with the situation."

And I have most of the symptoms of post trauma effects shown below.

• Fast heart beat and sudden increase of body temperature
• Stress and high anxiety levels
• Indigestion
• Sleep disorder
• Sudden hunger or thirst or loss of appetite

I really hope I can snap out of this rut I am in FAST coz the feeling is really, really horrible :(

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Fire

I don't know how to start this entry. I am traumatized, I am sad, I am grieved, I am angry and these gamut of emotions have started to take a toll on me today - day two of the aftermath.

Many (especially friends who are linked on FB) would have known by now that there was a fire in our home early yesterday morning. Kebakaran yang besar, never had I seen such fierce flames within such a close distance. Before I move on to relate about what happened, I have this to say, syukur pada Allah that everyone in the family is safe. We understand this is a dugaan dari Nya, kami terima dengan pasrah dan InshaAllah ada hikmah di sebalik kejadian awal pagi semalam itu.

It was early Wednesday morning, I was still making final checks on the documents I was supposed to bring with me for my trip to Penang that day. Dalam pada meng-copy docs to my pen drive, sempat juga ber-FB chat with Ummi and Lyana (about the cow she release from her FV in FB). Happy mood...happy to be starting a fresh day, walaupun penat dari weekend stint in Kertau still ada. But work...that's how things lah.

Then suddenly, I didn't feel good, my tummy was aching, my stomach muscle was experiencing spasms and it was so, so painful. I went into the kitchen, searched for my gastric pills and Bescopan for the pain relief. Really funny feeling, infact I have never experienced such a bad pain. My only guess was gastric coz itu je penyakit yang berkaitan with my stomach yang I tau lah.

It was 1.45am when I finally hit the sack.

Bescopan had obviously put me to slumber in no time, though I could still feel the spasms, it was nonetheless a relief. However, my relief and comfort didn't last long and what happened afterwards is still playing fresh on my mind till now.

I thought I was dreaming when I heard Farah saying this to me, "Mama...bangun ada api kat belakang!!" In my slumber I thought again....mimpi ker, betul ker?? Then her voice turned like a cry, "Mamaaaaaaaaa apiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....."

I jumped out of bed and ran towards her. Ya Allah......memang ada fire out side our house; I could see it from the dining room window. Ran into the room again, shouted (sorry lah....darurat tak kenal coutesies) at Abe to wake up. As I grabbed my BB I yelled at him, "Dy got fire kat porch tu!!!" He got up, ran to the back and next thing I saw him doing was scrambling looking for the fire extinguisher. Dalam pada panic tu....BOTH of us tak sempat nak cari our glasses and were running like two blind bats!!!!

Farah was already panicking, I told her to go wake up Faris, Nissa and Bibik upstairs. Abe was trying to put off the fire from inside (when the fire source was actually outside). Panic...panic..panic...!! We were like stunned and couldn't think straight at that point in time.

Then Abe screamed at me, "Go get the keys, open the grill and the door, I have to go out!!" I ni dalam tak nampak nyer, pi cari house keys and somehow managed to open the side door that lead to our side porch where the fire started. It was was hot....and it was blazingggggg!!! At that time, dah rasa Ya Allah....this is it...habis lah...memang kami akan ditimpa musibah yang dahsyat.

Then Faris came down, still so mamai-mamai from his sleep. I told him, "Go help Daddy...go help Daddy!!" I ran out to call the Fire Department. Dialled 999 and was connected to a lady. She asked me for details, thank God, or else I would have just froze there. Nak bagi info pun tak tau nak bagi apa, I was shaking by then, my voice was in between screams and cries. She repeated my house address twice till I confirmed it correct. My head went blank.....

Done with the call, I ran into the house again to look for the girls. Tak kan lah dah 10 mins tak turun-turun lagi!!! Then I saw Nissa & Farah, and not long after that Bibik came down. By then I realized that I didn't have my glasses, so I ran into the room for them. The whole house was full of smoke, and I saw the fire dah almost as high as the ciling. Allahhu Akbar...Allahhu Akbar....Allahhu Akbar....I recited sekuat hati as I dashed into the house. Dalam hati....Ya Allah...aku pasrah...aku pasrah atas apa yang berlaku ini. Got my glasses and ran out again.

By then a police patrol car was already in front of the house. The two officers asked if Bomba was already here, I said no...even though I had made the call like 5 mins ago. Then there were screams from the girls....

I almost fainted when I saw Faris carrying the cage of our cats. From Farah's and Nissa's cries I knew what could have happened. I pulled Nissa, hugged her and told her not to look. Luna and Merci...... they were motionless.

Then Faris came with another cage with Chitty and Chomel in it. I said to myself, Ya Allah....please..please....spare them, please...these cats tak berdosa!!! We saw Chomel take his last breath and Chitty was sitting quietly at one corner. She was breathing like normal, infact when we called her, she responded. When we flashed the light at her, we saw she had burnts just above her eyes. Really scarry looking.....nampak kulit dia. But she was such a brave cat...tak scream, nothing...she just kept quiet.

I ran to the back again to check on Faris and Abe. By then they had managed to put out the fire. How they did it was a real miracle. It was such a big one and they fought it with water from our washing hose and rain water from the tempayan. Apparently Faris had thrown buckets of the rain water to prevent the fire from spreading to other parts of the house. Alhamdullilah.....syukur...syukur......

Then we heard the fire truck pulling in. Some guys came and asked about the fire and we told them, we managed to put it out. One guy when assesing the fire site later said this to Abe, "Abang padamkan sendiri??" Abe said, "Iyer...saya tak fikir apa...I used whatever yang ada and tried to control the blaze." Macam cerita super hero pun ader gak bunyi nyer......

The fire guys checked for other possible hot spots, and things looked ok. Then they asked questions on how it I had to cerita lagi. Ealier dah cerita to the policemen.

It was a good one hour of panic and commotions. Both police and Bomba left once they confirmed that everything was safe. We had our neighbours coming to check on us too. Abe called the power guys to get them to check electricity in the house. The power had gone off some 5 minutes after the blaze started. They came but they said they couldn't do much and advised that we get a wireman to do the checks. I must say their answer somewhat intimidated Abe; iyer could another warga kerja be so uncompassionate di masa others in need. I heard him saying to the two young chaps, "Saya pun orang TNB jugak....." Tapi budak-budak tu buat selamba je...well...I guess they were just doing their job. And perhaps when they got their distress call, no one pun yg bagi tau...err by the way, that house you are heading to is a guy from TNB. No such thing lahkan......

So that was how it happened. Apparently, the fire started from our old sofa which was placed at the porch area. Sofa is there for kids to lepak while playing with the cats. What caused the sofa catch fire, we still have to get answers from the Bomba guys. They are yet to ascertain the cause.

I have many unanswered questions running through my mind since yesterday. How could a sofa out of blue be blazing away? Did some one set fire to it? If there was, who? Foul play?? And why??? Are there people out there who don't like us to the extent of wanting to cause hurt upon us??? In both my line of duty and Abe's too, are there people who are upset with us over the decisions we have made......

There are just to many Qs popping up now; dah jadi pening and bengong to think about it.

Anyway, the condition of the house is better today. Power we got back early yesterday morning. Abe yang jadi wireman sendiri; he cut of the supply from the affected area and the power came back. We had finished cleaning up the mess, wiped cleaned the floors, the walls, the bookshelves, infact everything that was in contact with the smoke and soot from the blaze. The downstairs curtains are already dried and we will hang them later today.

Faris has gone back to his practical office today. Abe is still on MC - he suffered second degree burns on his back. I am on leave; a rare thing that I do, but I know everyone has to be together to recover from the trauma that we had.

If I have the courage, I'll post pictures of the area that caught fire. We'll see how.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all friends and family who have shown so much love, given lots of encouraging messages words and support during this trying times. Tiada balasan yang dapat kami berikan, hanya lah Tuhan sahaja yang dapat membalasnya.

Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Tanned and Tired

Arrived home late yesterday afternoon. Surprisingly, Chenor - a small kampung by the banks of Sungai Pahang, wasn't as bad as I thought as it would be. Besides the hot, hot midday sun (which was only a problem to me, orang lain tak kisah pun nak cari sun block and shades), everything went well.

Place where we were heading to - Kg Kertau in Kelompok Chenor - about 130km from KL

It rained when I arrived at the Chenor exit.
No sleeping in the tents on the first night - field was wet, putting safety as priority.

As organizer of the camp, I am very happy with the whole event. Kids were extremely thrilled; good healthy food, dedicated attention by my team of superb facilitators and of course Puan Pengetua yang sporting selalu (chewah...masuk bakul angkat sendiri).

Most of all, I am so, so glad that the Top Brass in the company now know how challenging is the work and the responsibility we undertake plus the total commitment that we put in our job. Dah turun padang....baru lah nampak the REAL us.

More stories and reflections in other postings, just some pictures in this one first.

In their thoughts....omputih mana la sudah datang...and suruh kita orang speaking...We are so shy, they told me. No the end of first day, you won't be anymore, I assured them.

Hey friend...speking in English is not difficult. Lookkk...I'm all smiles already :)

Group session with Abang Facilitator....mula-mula shy, then when they are at ease, bercerita macam bertih....

On my last night, "this thing" came to visit...... Tok Batin (my first time so up close & personal with one too...tapi dia dah fully clothed lah) said goreng sedap Puan...err iyer ker?? Anyone knows???

I'm on leave today. Will be heading 45 mins south to Mom's house. She's back from her umrah yesterday. Spoke to her on the phone last night...alhamdulillah everything is okay for this couragous, high spirits 71 year old lady.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Jelajah Masuk Kampung

On the road again....

My program jelajah masuk kampung will start this weekend. Will be traveling to Chenor, Pahang after Friday prayers today. Di manakah Chenor?? Lihat sajalah di map. Ohhh...jauh nyer nak masuk kampung. But tak pe lah, demi untuk berkhidmat pada anak bangsa & negara....

In support of the PM's call for corporate commitment in CSR, my team will be conducting a language boot camp at one of the schools in Kampung Kertau in Chenor. Participants will be 150 year six kids from the nearby kampungs. Plus 110 teachers and the local reps. I was informed ader Tok Ketua Kampung, JKKK, Tok Batin will be together with us untuk menjayakan the program. I am so overwhelmed by the support shown.

My guess is Internet won't be available there in Chenor. So looks like I'll be off BB, FB and blogging. Perhaps it's good too for me; go masuk hutan, see the green, and hands off my gadgets.

Catch up with you peeps next week again InshaAllah. Take care and have a good weekend :)

p/s I'm still diliberating if I should sleep in the tent or opt for the school library....kat dlm library ader air cond...heh...hehe...)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Be Strong, Be Intelligent and Smile

At 33 weeks, I was so sleep deprived; tossing and turning with unbearable discomfort throughout the night. The bed could accommodate only me. Throw cushions were all around – two on the side, a few more at the edge and not counting the piles of pillows needed to support my aching back. The bed resembled a war zone of pillows. And at week 34, I had thrown out my sleeping partner. Too bad, but I think he somewhat willingly did so. One zombie in the house was enough; he had no intentions of adding on to the number.

Results from my last check up had caused more worry. DrH told me that that my baby was still in the butt first position. My heart sank at the news. I had hoped for the baby to turn, but apparently she wasn’t listening to Mommy’s telepathic pleas. I hadn’t the faintest idea of what to expect with a C-section as the other two children were normal. Thoughts of being cut opened gave me the creeps.

My labour was intensive; almost forgot how to do the pushing. Mana tak nye, the last time I made my appearance before DrH was like eight years ago. Machines and wires were every where. I remember looking at the monitor, and not at all amused by the chart plotting my contractions. Each time the graph showed a spike I went berserk – grabbing the gas mask, piercing Abe’s arms, calling names at the nurses when they were slow at giving me my shot of pain killers. Even with that shot, the pain was urgghhhhhh……..

Anyway, after some serious and intense huffin’, puffin’ and pushing (and a few screams too!!), sometime around 6.30am, Nissa Maisarah was born. She was long and weighed almost 4kg. When DrH placed her in my arms, this bundle of joy gave her first smile, and just like that the agony from the wait and pain was gone. The rest I could vaguely recall. Tau-tau dah in the room, and the nurses just couldn’t wait to pass the baby to me to breast feed (in the end tak breast feed pun coz had problems in the milky dept).

Nine years ago, that was how it happened.

Happy birthday dear Nissa….

Believe in magic and wish on stars. Dance, laugh, cry, and sing when you want to. Make faces. Play with lumpur and lopak. Pet rabbits, hold kittens, and talk to babies. Love and trust and be compassionate. Be strong. Be intelligent. Smile.

No matter how many birthdays come and go, you'll always be our little girl. May each of your days be filled with joy and sweet surprises.

More of Nissa's stories here and here.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


What happened today was unexplainable, but I shall try gather my words somehow. Indeed, it was another hot day today. Arrived at the office and it felt like walking into the sauna. I rushed like mad only to be greeted by the heat!! Haiissshhhh…tak sampai workstation dah hangat?? How to last till 6.00pm nih??

Anyway, heat or no heat, life goes on, my earlier scheduled meeting still took place. Thank God Mr Chairman decided to K.I.S.S this morning. If not lagi ramai lah yang hangat, both inside and outside. I survived the meeting, but head was already feeling light. Macam stoned je….panas weh…panas!! When I checked with my budak-budak, they told me, “Air cond lambat start today, Puan coz something wrong with the pipe.”

What the beep…beep lah?? A couple of weeks back, the basement parking was all wet and we wondered why. Desas desus liar mengatakan, pipe bocor. Oh…okay lah…what ever… Dept A said that Dept B was responsible. Dept B said it was A’s wrong doing. Macam little kids je finger pointing at each other.

And today it was the air cond. The maintenance team had better be on their double if they didn’t want to be listening to angry one-liners coming from wargakerja of the top five floors. Cheh…they all ni macam tau-tau je nak dera siapa coz on my floor – 14 and 15, are where the bosses are seated. I told one of the secretaries that if next time they wanna do concept santai tepi pantai kat office ni bagi tau awal-awal, boleh I mai office free hair je. Pakai seluar pendek and baby tee je…Hissshhh…kalau tak get my drift jugak, tak tau lah kan. Tetiba je Mak Aji ni mai dgn baju singlet!! Ohhh…tak ke haru?? Harus after that, email-email yang hot…hot…hot akan berterbangan!

Anyway, the air cond was up by 11.00am. I told my boss I’d give it till noon and if there was still no cool drift blowing in, that’s it, I’m heading home to continue working in a more pleasant atmosphere. Nasib baik jugak tak balik….coz for sure work entah ke mana, silap-silap lena :D

All the excitement must have caused havoc to my system. All of a sudden I craved for sugar and those chocolate chip cookies were so much in my mind. Tiba-tiba je rasa nak do some baking, nak bake cookies. Just before I walked into the elevator, I called Farah to go get ingredients for my baking.

I got home late, like always, but the burning desire to bake was still flaming. Both Farah and I teamed up and started work on my sugar fancy right away.

And here’s the result after sweating it out in the kitchen just now. I had almonds, choc chips, M&Ms and the arabian tema all mixed together. Orang kata it’s not good to snack before going to bed. But heck lah them calories…. I’ll shed it out during my morning walk tomorrow.

Friday, March 5, 2010

March vs February

February was fabulous; with long weekends of back to back public holidays and bi-weekly birthday celebrations, I couldn't have asked for more. My March, however, is not going to fair equally, this was confirmed when I plotted appointment and event dates in my schedule. March is going to be a mad, mad month.

When 1st March came knocking early in the week, it didn't quite roll in right for me. I had one of my worst migraine attacks and had to stay home to nurse the grueling, throbbing pain. Went to see the doctor for medication to help clear the head banging. Together with the drugs, came a long lecture about rest and exercise and what nots. Yes, I know everything she said was absolutely right. Must listen to her...must be dead serious about taking things easy now.

Alarmed by the pain I was experiencing, I got the doctor to do me a blood test. Cholesterol, diabetes and hypertension were my main concern and if there was something not right, I'd want to be in the know. The doctor got two small tubes of my blood and later informed that results would be available on the following day. In the meantime, relax, take things easy and wait - that was what she told me to do.

The next 24 hours wasn't at all comforting, kept thinking how the result would fair. Anxious, edgy and agonized, that was how I felt the entire day. Tried to have positive thoughts but intermittently depressing images came bothering.

Though I was eager to know, I felt the need to fully prepare myself of the outcome - good or bad. I gave myself some cooling off time before heading back to the doctor's clinic. And it was only today; four days later, I finally gathered my guts and collected my health "report card".

How did I fair?? Good actually; despite all my worrisome imaginations, I passed with flying colours . Sugar level was good, cholesterol level - normal, kidney function - good and there were no symptoms of hypertension detected. Alhamdulillah.....fuhhh legaaa.

So, what next? A full medical, that was her advice. Alright, doc I'll get that done too; after all prevention is better than cure, don't you think so?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Forgive and Forget

Each year on the last day of February, visual flashes of a long lost friend comes to mind. Most often than not, I reflect upon myself, the "what if's" - would they provide solutions and life calculations like a computable mathematical equation.

And I often wonder if our routes had been different, would our paths cross? I wonder too if the whirlpool of despair would be less painful, had we compromised friendship with alternates. Most of all, I wonder if we could ever forgive and forget?

There's just silence now, no conversation, no smiles, no laughter, no reaching out. Perhaps it's just best that way.

Happy Birthday dear friend...where ever you are, where ever you may be.