It is heart wrenching every time I catch a glimpse of her. Her sadness was observable, no matter how hard she tries to hide. The always so jovial Sue, has suddenly become tight lipped, keeping very much to herself. There have been mornings when Sue walked in with bloodshot eyes; an indication that she was probably crying the entire night.
Many a times I wanted to walk to her, wrap her in a hug and let her know that she has me by her side lending the listening ears. Even a shoulder to cry on if she wanted, but I just didn’t know what muzzled me. We would pass each other along the corridor, her gloom eyes meeting mine, signaling the troubled heart. There was only exchange of glances, no words. It was as if we were total strangers, when in actual fact we are not.
It hurts me inside that I couldn’t reach out to her now. It hurts me bad knowing we have walled up the emotions between us. We used to be bosom chums; inseparable through thick or thin. But it took only one careless action to distance the closeness once shared.
Why Sue…why? Why shun me?
These were the emotions shared with me during a counseling session with a subordinate sometime back. This morning the girl came to me in tears, telling me that Sue is gone!!
Sue died over the weekend, in a motor accident apparently. The vehicle was a total wreck; a wrecked and mangled of body mass, manifesting Sue’s state of mind, I imagine. As I stood still to regain my composure, tears welled up my eyes. Visual flashes of Sue’s sufferings caused the world around me to slowly spin. I saw stars; no….correction, I think what I saw Sue’s sad, lost soul, looking for the love she never received.
Through our glazed stares, we both ponder upon the sequence of events that happened earlier with much disbelief. The lost is apparent – for both of us, even with my shriveled knowledge of Sue.
Sue – not her real name