Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Drags of the Heart

It is always difficult to get back to the old routine after a long break. I'm pretty sure most of us experience the drag, yes? Well, this was precisely how I felt once I woke up this morning.

WORK!!! Urgghhh.......must I?

This question has been on my mind for quite sometime. To go or not go; que sera sera...what will be will be.... Every time I was like adamant with a YES, like YES, make that exit, there is always a BUT that comes trailing along. Many BUTs in fact and as much as I try to shove them aside, they kept coming back.

I told folks at work - bosses et all that I was gonna be doing some "soul searching" during my absence from work. But they know me too well that upon my return that soul of mine is going to be recharged and all ready to be running the marathon@work. However, this time around, the feeling is different. Can't really pin point what is not right with this new deal, but......I just don't have a good feeling about everything. From the work place set up to the persons we are dealing with.

But as much as I'd like to disengage myself, there's the team that I am concern about. Who would take charge leading them? Who would hold defense from all those bantering? My heart goes out to them. On the other hand, i do not want to go through the laborious project cycle all over again. Not with this particular client - period.

And this deliberation is taking much too long......
Ohhh how unsettled the heart and mind are!

Sent from my iPad


Anonymous said...

Salam Kay

have been reading your blog and this is my first comment.

i made a bold exit after years of slogging in law firms, mind you 20 years! i lasted for 4 years in my last firm before finally bid farewell. my situation was exactly like yours. worked 7 days a week, brought home work, kept awake at night trying to get the work done before sun rise, arrived office at 7, stayed late till 9, took break for solat only, downed with fever but still dragged myself up to office,

i realised i had burnt out myself but bosses never recognised my pengorbanan... enough is enough... i tendered my letter....

i pray that Allah will bless me with other rezeki yang berkat for dunia and akhirat


the principal said...

kak kay,

i felt that way too selepas balik bercuti from seoul in 2006...It didnt take me that long to make my decision. Bagi sebulan notis & sebelum menyesal dgn keputusan itu, i took the next step - be my own boss few days after berhenti kerja. Gaji taklah sebyk masa jadi lawyer dulu, but I'm happier.

good luck kak kay

edelweiss said...

kak kay...i share ur feeling tuh...same here. how????

kay_leeda said...

Salam Rafiah,

Thanks for dropping by and leaving your comments.

I wouldn't say my Bosses don't recognize my efforts and hard work. Most of them do but it's just that I'm already getting tired doing the stuffs I am doing now.

On my good days, I don't at all think about leaving. But when things start to "mengarut" haishhh...rasa nak pack my stuffs on the spot and runnnn!!

I really, really have to think about this. Don't want to put anyone in a tough spot. Am also thinking of alternative working arrangements with the company.

InshaAllah....I hope all my efforts will have His blessings.

Thanks for sharing your story.

kay_leeda said...

Dear Emy,

Why is it so difficult after returning from a holiday kan! I have plans lined up, tapi takut juga nak take the risk where money is concern. Dah biasa ada duit sendiri and the thought of having to ask for money from the other half can at times freak me out, although he has repeatedly asked me to just forget about working.

Ohhh susah nak decide, agak nya nak kena gi soul searching lagi sekali kot baru dapat answer...he he :P

kay_leeda said...

Dear Edelweiss,

The answer is in the winds?? How we wish it's that easy kan.....

Entah lah dear....we just pray for the best kan :)