Sweetie's Story - Part 5

Just after completing her studies at college, Sweetie flew off to Dubai. Some friends of hers were already based there and they have been asking her to join them. Sweetie just could not wait to leave the country; in her mind she wanted to move on, close the chapter on sadness enveloping her life here and begin fresh in the desert country.

Sweetie shared none of her plans with her family. No one knew she was leaving. She only told Sue and left a short note for her father. No explanations – just a simple good bye message. No matter how painful or troublesome, her journey would continue.

Sue was all alone after Sweetie left. She gave her blessings anyway, though she knew that didn’t mean much to Sweetie. Not a day passed without Sue’s prayers for Sweetie’s wellbeing. Sweetie was the only someone who was close to her in this world. Never mind if Sweetie never realized it.

Sue moved on too. She found a job in a retail outlet in town. Starting as a store hand, she slowly moved up in the company. In two years she was made assistant manager and often became exemplary employee for her thrust wordiness and commitment at work.

Worlds apart now, both girls kept in touch via emails and occasional phone calls. They shared their ups and downs, updates on local gossips but never a single mention about family.

Sue also learnt that Sweetie had started work at a hotel in Dubai. Work was challenging and that kept her occupied. From their chats, Sue gathered that Sweetie was very happy with her new life in the foreign country.

Each time when Sue asked Sweetie about her family back home, Sweetie would change topic and talk about something else. Every time when Sue reminded her to call her parents, Sweetie would get upset and keep her distance. Sue tried to reach beyond the emptiness of Sweetie’s heart but she had put a tight lock on the door.

"She is still your mother, Sweetie," advised Sue as she spoke softly to Sweetie from her end of the line.

"She's still your mother....no matter what. Dunia akhirat dia mak you Sweetie...."

Then there was silence. Sue knew that Sweetie was holding back her emotions. Sue could sense behind that happy front Sweetie was putting, her soul was empty. The warmth in her heart could no longer be felt. The past had hardened her; and her nasty and ugly relationship with her mother was turning her into a cold creature.

If only she could help bring back mother and daughter together again, she would be the most happy person alive. But she knew that, no matter how noble was the effort, a reunion of Sweetie and her mommy would never happen.

“There was still one last hope,” Sue said to herself.


Pray……and pray she did.

Sweetie's Story - Part 4

That day at school, students were buzzing about the surprise checks done on them. Amongst those sent to the Principal's office was Sweetie – a misfortune many had anticipated. In fact that wasn't the first time she was caught. Teachers found a pack of cigarettes in her school bag this time. She had been lucky all these while, but that day, there was no escape.

And as a result of that offence, Sweetie was sent for counseling sessions. She spent some hours with counselors, listening to words which were all too familiar to her.

"Great...just like at home when Mummy goes bla bla bla...." she thought to herself.

"What's the big deal about cigarettes anyway? Others smoke, even my father smokes!"

Sweetie was bored during these dragging sessions but she still sat religiously till they ended. She didn't want to pick a fight with her teachers. There were already enough problems at home and she just wanted to get over with school and then proceed with her own plans.

And it was at counseling session Sweetie met Sue.

Sweetie wasn't too sure why Sue was there, and she never bothered asking. But she liked Sue. There was something about this timid round faced girl that made her want to be friends.

That was the start of a beautiful friendship of this obverse pair. One was lost in life's bright lights and the other was groping in its darkness.

Academically, Sweetie and Sue performed average – sometimes they’d fail miserably and at times if they strived hard, they’d stay afloat. Sweetie never bothered much about her studies. She knew how to sweet talk her father on sending her to college once she finished her secondary education. Sue however had to work really, really hard if she wanted to pursue her college education. The orphanage couldn't possibly fork up money for her, not when they themselves were struggling to keep operating.

Sweetie once told Sue that she wanted to run away from her family. After her SPM exams, she got a part-time job in a boutique and was paid pretty handsomely.

“Aku nak lari lah Sue,” said Sweetie when they met after work that evening.

“Ishhh…jangan, nanti kau jugak yang susah. Mana kau nak tinggal Sweetie?”

“Ahhh…aku tau lah mana aku nak gi….”

Sue prayed hard before she went to sleep that night. She prayed that Sweetie would change her mind and would have some compassion for her parents.

“Ya Allah Ya Tuhan….tunjukkan lah jalan yang benar bagi rakan ku ini. Bukakan lah hatinya. Berikan lah ia hidayah dan petunjuk Mu Ya Rahman…..”

Those were Sue’s plea to God. In between sobs, during her sujud , she asked God’s guidance for her good friend. All she wanted was for her friend to be shown the right path by God Almighty. She could give nothing to Sweetie – money and wealth was beyond her means. It was only to God she could turn begging for mercy and compassion.

Maybe it was her prayers; maybe it was something else that happened, Sue wasn’t too sure. But Sweetie changed her mind many weeks later.

“Mummy aku tak sihat lah Sue. Kesian pulak….” explained Sweetie.

“Bagus lah tu. Kau berbaiklah dengan Mummy kau. Syurga dibawah tapak kaki ibu tau,” advised Sue.

“Hah…nak jadi ustazah lah pulak kau ni. Tell me about it, but if you have a rotten Mummy, where is the Heaven going to appear from?”

Sue kept silent. She could only pray for Sweetie to change. InshaAllah…one day God would lead her the way.

When they finally received their SPM results, as predicted, they both did average. Sue fared slightly better than Sweetie. Both applied to the same college and they finally managed to get in and then completed their diploma in three years.

Sue studied retail management while Sweetie did culinary arts. Sue was very surprised when Sweetie opted to venture the food industry. Never in her wildest dream that she would see Sweetie slogging in the kitchen, and much to her surprise, Sweetie did pretty well in college.

During the three years in college, Sweetie hardly spent time with her family. She seldom went back to that big house. Even during breaks she would work on campus and save money for room rental and food. Sweetie’s father would send her money, but obviously with her lifestyle, the money disappeared in blink. Sweetie had then become a chain smoker and had started frequenting clubs in the city.

There were times when they met Sue would ask Sweetie about her family. But Sweetie never had anything nice to say about them. Obviously her heart was still like an erupting volcano and she said she could never forgive her Mummy.

Later Sue learnt from Sweetie’s aunt that Sweetie’s dad had a stroke and was paralyzed waist down. Sue could tell that Sweetie wanted to be with her father, but she was still not at peace with herself and her hatred towards her mother, kept her from heading to the big house.

to be continued…..

~Sent from my iPad~

Sweetie's Story - Part 3

It was the day after that Sweetie always dreaded. Her body felt weak, her movements were sluggish and her head pounding.

But this wasn't the first time her body being abused so violently. She'd been punched before, kicked from side to side and even strangled by the woman whom she has no place in her heart. Sweetie had thought that age would have slowed the woman down. But no...she was still as forceful as ever.

And that woman was her own mother.

The bruises from their violent brawl had started to show. Her arms were blue black from the stick her mother had used on her. Had it not been for Sue, there would have been blood shed.

"She's in pain too, I know. Should have punched her a few more times. That would have given her a real good lesson," Sweetie explained to Sue.

"She's your mother Sweetie. How could you pick a fight with someone who's weaker." Sue spoke in so much disbelieve.

But she knew Sweetie - hard headed and always charging, one who would retaliate on the word "go". All these years she had seen enough. She could have just strayed away from Sweetie, but something in her heart said that she must try and save this poor lost girl.

"Kenapa kau gaduh dengan dia?" asked Sue.

"Kalau dengan perempuan tu, pasal apa lagi?"

"Pasal duit ke?"

"Tak...aku tak puas hati pasal rumah. Pasal apartment yang sepatutnya aku yang dapat. Tiba-tiba I got to know from my aunt that she dropped my name from her will!" yelled Sweetie.

Sue knew that Sweetie could never be at ease with her old woman, her own flesh and blood, but one whom she despise with all her might. Sweetie claimed that their feud had started a long time ago. She just couldn't see eye to eye with her mother. And to her mother, Sweetie was just another disappointment and embarrassment to the family.


Unlike her, Sweetie was born to a wealthy family. Her father was a top ranked government officer. The place they have outside the city was beautiful and huge. Sue had been to Sweetie's place a few times. When she was younger, she always felt that what Sweetie had was heaven. But now, she knew that behind all that glitter, there was no pot of gold.


Sweetie once said that her father, though he had loads of money, never enjoyed sharing it with the family. Sweetie could talk for days about her stingy father. They laughed at times on the jokes Sweetie made about her father and her plans on stealing her father's money.

"Banyaknya duit bapak kau Sweetie!" claimed Sue during one of their "happy hours".

"Alah...mana tah dia dapat duit tu. Aku rasa duit tu tak halal. Selalu je aku peratikan ada orang datang jumpa dia. Pas tu cakap bisik-bisik. Pas tu ada envelope they all bagi kat father aku."

"Dia ingat aku ni bodoh, dia tak tau yang aku ni buat-buat bodoh je...." replied Sweetie.

"Mak kau tak tau ke?"

"Alah...dia tau. But she's not bothered about my father lah. They all tu dah lama go separate ways."

"Hah? Parents kau dah bercerai? Elok je aku tengok bapak dengan Mak kau tu."

"Entah lah Sue....aku pun tak tau. Cerai ke....tak ke, tu they all punya pasal lah. Malas aku nak masuk campur dah. "

"But they are your family, don't you care?

"NO!!" shouted Sweetie to Sue again.

It was then Sue knew that Sweetie's safe heaven was only a glass menagerie. There was no warmth in the house. There was no love. Everyone was too busy with themselves - going their own separate ways.

Sweetie was as cold as her house and that explained the episodes of her traumatic life.

Unlike Sweetie, Sue's life growing up in an orphanage was no match. She was with pittance but she was never without love. She had no blood relations but everyone in the home was family.

Sue never knew who her father was. She once asked her Ibu at the orphanage of the family's whereabouts. Ibu said that they didn't know who her parents were. Sue was found on the steps of the surau near the home on a Friday morning when folks were about to perform their Subuh solat.

"Life can be such a mystery," Sue thought to herself.

"Sweetie has everything she could ever wanted in this world, but she's so alone. And I don't have anyone either in this world. Literally, I am all alone too...."

to be continued....

Related stories:

Sue's Sufferings

Sweetie's Story - Part 1

Sweetie's Story - Part 2

~Sent from my iPad~

Letting Go.....

It's hard letting go
But I must
Change doesn't happen

Hope is hopeless
Hurt is unbearable
Misery grows deep
Loneliness wraps the soul

Purple arms
Pathetic scars
Heart without husk

This small heart can't take no more
This small mind can't forget no more
Accept I must
Move on I will....

Que Sera, Sera....
Whatever Will Be, Will Be....

She's gone....
Whatever Will Be, Will Be....

Sweetie's Story - Part 2

Sweetie must have gathered all her might to come see me. Some hesitation at first but when I reached out to her and led her to the seat next to mine, she obliged.

“You okay, Sweetie?”

She cleared her throat and replied, “I can’t sleep, Puan. Every time I close my eyes, I see Sue. The image of her wrecked car haunts me every night.”

Her eyes welled with tears; then there was silence between us.

“Sedekah Al-Fatehah to her Sweetie. She’s in a safe place now,” I tried to assure Sweetie.

“Saya tahu Tuhan sayang dia, but saya kesal…I didn’t get to help her…after all her sacrifice for me.”

“I’m sure Sue buat semua tu ikhlas, tanpa meminta balasan. So let’s not be too sad atas pemergian dia. Hey…Sue wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this you know!” I soothed her arm gently, signaling that everything would be just fine.

Sweetie did not reciprocate; instead she fixed her gaze on a picture hung on my wall – picture of our company’s annual party. I knew then pretty much what was on her mind.

to be continued.....

Sweetie's Story - Part 1

Sweetie was extra cheerful that morning. She walked pass me beaming one cherry sweet smile that could melt any tough heart.

"She's in baju kurung again," I thought to myself.

Ahhh...she must have gone to visit Sue - a routine she is so faithful of after Sue's passing (read Sue's Sufferings here) a few months ago. She found her ultimate peace by Sue's side , at her final resting place, Sweetie told me one day.

Our conversation on Sue never continued, not since that day of Sue’s tragic death. I remember seeing how distraught Sweetie was. She grieved the loss of her friend as if a part of her left when Sue left.

"She's not ready to share yet. Give her time," I mentioned to my boss when she expressed her concerns over Sweetie's frail health. A few weeks after Sue's passing, Sweetie fell ill and a couple of times she passed out in the office. She frightened us all one day when we found bleeding profusely in the toilet. I guessed it as much that she was having a miscarriage; another misfortune for Sweetie who has been trying to have a baby for years.

Sweetie was falling to pieces. She knew she had to go get help. And that was when she came knocking lifelessly on my door.

“Puan , I need to talk.”


to be continued.....

Sue's Sufferings

It is heart wrenching every time I catch a glimpse of her. Her sadness was observable, no matter how hard she tries to hide. The always so jovial Sue, has suddenly become tight lipped, keeping very much to herself. There have been mornings when Sue walked in with bloodshot eyes; an indication that she was probably crying the entire night.

Many a times I wanted to walk to her, wrap her in a hug and let her know that she has me by her side lending the listening ears. Even a shoulder to cry on if she wanted, but I just didn’t know what muzzled me. We would pass each other along the corridor, her gloom eyes meeting mine, signaling the troubled heart. There was only exchange of glances, no words. It was as if we were total strangers, when in actual fact we are not.

It hurts me inside that I couldn’t reach out to her now. It hurts me bad knowing we have walled up the emotions between us. We used to be bosom chums; inseparable through thick or thin. But it took only one careless action to distance the closeness once shared.

Why Sue…why? Why shun me?

These were the emotions shared with me during a counseling session with a subordinate sometime back. This morning the girl came to me in tears, telling me that Sue is gone!!

Sue died over the weekend, in a motor accident apparently. The vehicle was a total wreck; a wrecked and mangled of body mass, manifesting Sue’s state of mind, I imagine. As I stood still to regain my composure, tears welled up my eyes. Visual flashes of Sue’s sufferings caused the world around me to slowly spin. I saw stars; no….correction, I think what I saw Sue’s sad, lost soul, looking for the love she never received.

Through our glazed stares, we both ponder upon the sequence of events that happened earlier with much disbelief. The lost is apparent – for both of us, even with my shriveled knowledge of Sue.

Sue – not her real name

It's Self Defence - She Says

The sufferings of the innocent Palestinians in Gaza has taken a toll on my writing. I am lost for words, my appetite sulks and as at yesterday, I have stopped reading the foreign news section in the papers. Tonight, I just couldn't get myself to watch the news on tv. No more of these heart wrenching images.

It has been 10 days after Israel began its attacks in the Gaza Strip. The worst blow came yesterday when they bombed the two schools. Many of the dead are children, women and elderly men. And this was what the Israeli Foreign Minister, Tzipi Livni had to say about the conflict in the Gaza Strip and the Israeli offensive, "It is the expression of self-defense, the right of self-defense of a state".

Sigh....

And how does that make me feel??

I want to scream my lungs out!!
But that won't change anything though.

I ask from you Ya Kareem. I seek from you Ya Rahim, have mercy on these innocents.
Help them Ya Allah, help them Ya Rahman.....